so yes, the right thing to do is to tell someone of your unbelievable experience of abuse.. But I’m not going to lie, dealing with the abuse being pushed into the front of your mind and out of your mouth is difficult considering you’ve spent however long pushing it further and further back into the deep, forgotten part of your brain, it all becomes raw again, it’s as if it happened yesterday, and all the time you’ve spent trying to ignore it and pretend like it didn’t happen, is all wasted on the time you could of spent recovering with full support from family, friends or professionals.
It’s been exactly 3 weeks and 4 days since the truth of my abuse came out after a huge attempt to take my life on 150 paracetamol and 80 aspirin, I broke down in histerics, I hardly remember saying the words my family repeated back to me the morning after, when I woke up in intensive care with my mum asleep next to me, connected to two drips and an oxygen mask.. I’m selfish I know, but I needed the pain and the fear to stop, and this was the only way I knew how.. Without hurting anyone else with the truth.. But I failed when my brother found out I was in a B and B waiting to die and came to my unwanted rescue.. I didn’t want to be found, unless dead. But now, I feel different, I see my future, not as clearly as I want too, but it’s there and I want to be here, I can do it and my family’s support means the whole world to me.. Despite the fact my abuser was my eldest brother.. So the whole family is hurting not just for me but for them too.. But there main focus is me and as much as I hate that because I want to help them, I need it and I appreciate it more than I ever thought I would.
So yeah.. It’s getting easier, slowly but surely getting easier. That’s all for now.. I needed to vent to sleep, and I hope you guys like what I have written and it gives you some kind of motivation to come out before it leads to an attempt on your life.. My abuse went to far, take my story as a lesson, speak out before it’s too late and be true to yourself as a person, I just wish I had some sort of time machine to change what I did.. Turns out I caused more hurt by taking an attempt on my own life than I did coming out and speaking the truth.. God bless and keep an eye out for my future vents/advice/blogs, I enjoy reading all of yours also.. Thank you.